The First Time

For as long as I could remember I drew portraitures in black and white using pencil. I considered using color pencil but was concerned about the problem of how to erase any mistakes; being the perfectionist that I am. Ok so I've been creating "master pieces" since I was six....

Pause intended I took a trip down memory lane. I was thinking of the first time I learned to ride a bike without the training wheels and was just amazed at the rush of familiar emotions that accompanied the film playing in my head. My fears where laid aside as long as my dad was walking or running along side me. I knew that he would have to let go at some point in the future, you know like when I was able to drive a car... or some think... I had not imagined this happening on like the 1000th time! after all I was technically riding by myself since I was the one pedaling and I was riding on two wheels as opposed to four right? Never mind the fact that the majority of the time was spent in a not so parallel position to the ground as my dad would support one side; seeing that my silly bike refused to stay centered.

I don't remember if it was the freedom of the wind rushing passed me in slow motion, the blur of the chanting trees and houses cheering me on, the gradual stillness of my dad's voice or the sudden, spontaneous irruption of applause from my adoring fans on the side lines, but I sensed that something was strangle wrong with THIS picture. I looked back to discover that my worsted fear had been realized! Then without warning my silly bike stopped working and to make matters worse it swerved back and forth and toppled over!! I was visibly upset but unhurt even while everyone else seemed inappropriately happy and congratulatory. In that moment all I saw and felt was my fear of failure realized. "You did it!!" came the laughter and accolades like a really bad song sung out of tune. "You rode your bike all by yourself, and you where doing fine... why did you look back?" and as I complained about how my dad let me go... He chuckled and pointed to how far I had ridden without him holding on and confessed that he had stopped holding my bike steady a few times before. "You can do this by your self now, just remember to look ahead and balance your body... and keep practicing" That was when the song took a beautiful melodious turn and I joined in the celebration. By the end of that day I was riding with confidence and had only fallen that one time. The talk at the dinner table that night was about how quickly I'd learn to ride without the training wheels, this being the first time and all, and in-spite of the size of my bike compared to my size. One days worth of lesson and I was riding solo. Next it was roller skating and I did that in one day as well for I had the bike experience under my belt.

So when it comes to trying new mediums related to art I am less afraid these days and if fear starts to rear it's ugly head, I start reminiscing about my first time experiences such as my bike riding first and it gives me the confidence to win even while fearing the failures. I read this great quote somewhere and it said "Fear is putting your trust in the wrong thing" So I keep my eyes on Christ Jesus the Creator of ALL.
"I can do All things through Christ who strengthens me." I hear my dad's smiling voice echoing in my mind "You can do this by your self now, just remember to look ahead and balance your body... and keep practicing"

Black Beauty 1 is result of My heavenly father's promise and my earthly fathers advise. This is my first attempt at using color pencil to draw the face... Not bad for The First Time!